Sunday, December 26, 2010

[Blank]

It makes me
question my actions.
I wonder if
I’m even right.
Could it be
that I’m not
me?
I’m a leech
who was pitied.

I’ve always prided myself
in being an individual.
I am something unique
and I loved it.
it had never crossed my mind
for me to be
not me.

Maybe it’s time to change.
Hold my hands
by my side when I talk.
Stand still when I
engage in conversation.
Smile only when
I’m exuberant.
Stay calm when
exciting things happen.

Then, I can be
what people want me to be.
I’ll fit in,
calm down,
piss less people off,
quiet myself,
allowing a bit to escape in
poetry.

Sound good to you?

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Me, me, me

You're yelling with
hands on hips
stern eyes
glaring down at
me.
you mean business

how dare I do this.
This terrible thing
that completely offends you,
tears you apart inside
till you're forced to tell me of
you disappointment

how dare I not
    do my laundry.
how dare I not
     finish cleaning my room.
how dare I not
     please your every demand.

Short, sweet, to the point.

Daddy.
Dad.
Father.

An evolution of your name.

From cutesy, little kid
to middle school loving irritation
to cold, uncaring, scared, formality.

Great example you've set here.

Yelling
at me earlier
I stared back at you,
used to the usual
rants.

Every time I mess up
it's a federal case.
But I'm used to it.
I'll just be angry
to myself.

oops.
you've just realized
I'm not a total
screw up.
you yelled and
then
you thought
       saw
       understood.
Apology mixed with
saving yourself.
So maybe this was wrong but you were still right about that other...
blah blah
freaking blah

Do as I say NOT
as I do.
That's your motto apparently.

I have to think before I speak.
I have to control my temper.
I have to always clean after myself.
I have to get the most amazing grades.
I have to be responsible and
                  good
                  nice
                  caring
not you.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Danger is my middle name.

If you were to circle
around and around
hell.
monster.
bite of his head
eat all the rest
repeat.

"Oh hello!
    going to kill me again?
      well get on with it."

bite off his head
eat all the rest
repeat.

forever.
hell.
monster.

 "hello"
shouldn't have been so
greedy.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Day dreams of a hypocritical teen.

I wrote this about two weeks ago. Mark called me a silli siphimiri. Fleh



Flash
laughter
fun
emotions

Flash
zoom in
a girl
crying?

Flash
fading
outside in
crying?

Flash
running
huddled
arms over eyes

Flash
one pair
chasing
catching up

Flash
hugging
drying tears
questions

Flash
tired
wishing
leaning on

Flash
you
you
you.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

How?

My body
doesn't seem to want to
cooperate with me.
Every word you type
sends my hands
to my mouth, curled and spazzing
with little kid joy.
Or spread out,
stretching the muscles,
trying to release the insanity.

Heaven help me
if I happen to be
sitting.
Because my legs,
too, choose not to listen.
backing up
to meet my face,
which is
stretched into an
aching smile

My whole body
shakes with
crazy, giddy
glee.
I feel
like a toddler
on Christmas Day.

How do you do that?
make me feel the way
I haven't for years.
It's as if
you've peeled back all
of the layers of me
just to put your
little comments in
and make me feel
so completely
electrifying
from the inside out.
radiating
bliss.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

District 12

They say you were born
from the ashes.
Serious, no?
Chaos everywhere
chaos
chaos
chaos
chaos
Thrown back
explosion
people
flying across the oil soaked
pavement.
brilliant.
burning.

Then, you.
rising, looming hope
from the burning people
and time...stops

Confused?
I was too

But I say you were born
from the flames.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

My version of "me and you in grade two"

I had watched Hocus Pocus last night with my mom and little sisters as a pre-Halloween treat. I walked back into Mrs. Fletcher's classroom singing bits and pieces of a haunting song Sara Jessica Parker sang to luer the children to their death. I only knew a few words but I sang them over and over again, never tiring of the words. I saw another girl look at me, a weird expression on her face. She came up to me, her big, dark brown hair up in a poofy ponytale, and asked me what I was singing. I told her it was from my favorite Halloween movie, Hocus Pocus. She said she loved that movie too and that song was her favorite. We began singing the song, she knew more of the lyrics but I just hummed along with the parts I didn't know. Later, we exchanged names and laughed at the similarity.
 Haley and Shayli.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

my brain today.

No


but, yes?


Capitalize Everything You Write.


never ever capitalize


RULES rules RuLeS rULeS


but,
no.


do What you Want
make A pattern
do Something pretty Like


nonsense words
garmblejook
amplakie
snoodlebomp


RAnDOm can you raed wrdos lkie tihs?


        Awesome opossum.
maybe


or


not


here I come.


run run run


nun monk jew boy


be fun!
don't m
           e
             l
              t

I are

Look,
another one.
About you.
You don't even know
Thank god you don't know.
It would be a scandal of the ages
told many times before yet not in a book
but in my real life of actuality and tangibility.

S
  O
      ...
         sappy
         cliche
         girly
         joyful

You. Repeat that about
a million times.
Don't get bored.

Writing this I think,
obsessed, you are. But not really,
silly, you are. But only sometimes,
hopeless, you are. But you've always been like that,
Yoda, you are.

Yes, I are.

Would you cry if I failed? I wouldn't.

Woah.
Don't get too involved now.
Don't get too attached now.
No time for that.
B
A
B
A
D
D
F
A
     The other grades fade...
keep them up but
they're not too important.

Who cares about the good?
focus on the bad
fix it
now!
No more learning if
you don't.

Friday
you better be done
Friday
or no more fun
Friday
ew, was that a rhyme?
Friday
No time for that...yet

Oh dear, not this again.

Aug, I don't want to be
that girl.
The one who daydreams
all
freaking
day.

Her poems
centered
around his
                                                                          eyes
                                                                          hair
                                                                          mannerisms
                                                                          voice...
No!
See, that.
Don't do that.
Remember the sad?
or...the rules?
and problems
issues!
dramas
anger?
                                                                         eyes
                                                                         hair
                                                                         mannerisms 
                                                                         voice...
Sigh.
Fine.
forget everything that
ever made you sad.
and
just be happy.

I'm grinning...for real?
for a bit.
Just remember 
it all comes d
                      o
                        w
                           n
in the 
        end.

Then again, it's all up 
to you if it
lands gracefully 
or
crashes

~Here's to hoping~

Friday, December 3, 2010

Rantings of a Lunatic

"Arabella. Elise. Mackenzie. I have recieved you letter and I am not happy. I will be arriving on Friday at 4 pm. Please be presentable and have my favorite food cooking...Bye."


And the message clicked off.


Crap, I thought, It's coming. And, I looked at my kitchen clock, in half an hour.


Why on earth did I write that letter to her? What a stupid freaking thing to do! I knew she'd want to come over the moment she read the first words but I never thought so soon. 


Rushing around my living  room I grabbed all the misc. items that didn't belong there and threw them in my closet.


Probably shouldn't be doing this but I doubt she'll check there.


My purple and brown couch was covered in dirty dishes, candy wrappers, random half-finished drafts, and probably some cushions hidden under there somewhere.


 Geeze, I hadn't seen those cushions since...well since I bought the couch! I think I remember it being stained to begin with so I guess this is a change for the better...in a way. She would kill me if she saw this mess though...


I ran into my kitchen, stepping over my extremely overweight cat and inching around the paper mache project I'd begun about two weeks ago. I'd become bored with the constant glueing and ripping so I let the mass of blues, oranges, and burgandys rest in my kitchen for awhile. Under the sink I discovered some various cleaning supplies that I'd never opended. After digging through the mess of more unclean dishes, unmatched socks, and cereal boxes I finally unearthed the trash bags. Unopened, of couse.


I sprinted back into the living room, "Meeerow!" accidentally stepping on Ignatious's tail, and tripping over my musical DVD collection, and began frantically stuffing the contents of my couch into the open bag. Soon it began to spill over so I grabbed and violently shook open another from the box. Eight trash bags later I discovered my cusions again.


Crap, crap, crappy-crap. I can't dissapoint her, she needs to see that I am a completely sane person. I ran my hands through my hair.


"Rrrrraaach"


The state of my living room was still awful. Compared to my living room, the couch had been a walk in the park. Anything I had ever bought was in this room whether it be together or in bits, it was here. My best bet was to go search for the janitors broom I knew was somewhere over to the left of the mess and push the mess out the back door.


Hair brush...toss. Cat toy...toss. Ethiopian flag...toss. Girl scout badge...toss. Spinny chair...roll.


"This. is. IMPOSSIBLE! I will never get anywhere in life and it's all her fault for doing this to me!" I screamed just as my cat sprinted out from under my hands.


When did he ge- No. That's not my issue right now. I need to find that...


"Broom!" At last, my cat was hiding it from me.


It took a whole twenty minutes to clear all of the junk from my living room but once it was done I felt rather accomplished. Now all I had to do was keep her in the living room and maybe she won't make me move back.


Freeze.


 Was that a knock? On the door? But it's only...four o'clock. Crap. I didn't have time to clean the kitchen or my room or anything else! I know this is going to be the end of me. No more freedom, no more tv, no more fun...


The knocking began again, this time speeding up and gaining volume with each thump. Then the yells started up.


"Arabellaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Open this door right now! I know you're in there."


Finally, I walked over to my door, turned the knob as slowly as possible, and winced as my door squeeked open.


"Hello, mother."